JulesinPrison This Blog will be a running commentary on the daily torture that I experience at my office. A majority of us go to an office or some such environment where a weekly paycheck is dangled inches away from our nose, reminding each of us how expendable we all are, and how we should watch every move we make lest this piece of paper be taken from us. Believe me, “The Office” has nothing on me. I’ve had the great misfortune of working in an endless tirade of torturing, harrassing, deadend positions that only increased my need for higher milligrams of Zanax and blood pressure medication. Since the need for anonymity is important in this instance, the company and its “inmates” will be renamed to protect the non-innocent. This will be my Prison Diaries from the Corporate World. My day usually begins as I slowly and reluctantly make my way thru the front door of the building to my desk where my anxiety strangely increases and the beat of my heart can be heard as I reach toward the power button on my computer drive. The anxiety usually begins from Sunday on as my subconscious begins to turn to a familiar feeling – usually of nausea- that I’ll be returning to work within 24 hours and starting the whole thing all over again. In the past 4 years that I’ve been here, my sleep patterns have become stilted so I no longer have the capability of downloading short term memory to long term; the constant pain in my stomach has become a familiar companion; and the roll of flesh that now exists around my waistline due to stress has become a staple and occupational hazard of the corporate world. Computer powered up – I now click on Outlook Express to see how many e-mails have bred overnight. As my folders are updated, the tally increases, along with my stress levels – each e-mail emblazoned with its own self importance; each sender looking for attention by reiterating their need for an ASAP response. How could everything in this place come under the same Code Red? One of the first calls of the day is from a longtime survivor who has successfully merged into one of the corporate zombies that walk the walk each day. Shall now be known as Mrs. Tart. She has informed me that no matter how many status reports I beg from her during the day, she will not respond as she is way too busy to do so. This shall be interpreted as the following: You are an underling and I am an executive secretary. I have done my dues for the past 35 years and have earned the right to treat all others in your position as dried leaves beneath my shoes. So, don’t bother me. I hang up with a mixture of resignation and the feeling that humanity is indeed heading for a fall. I proceed to open my e-mails, and start to put out the fires one by one. Enter – Ms. StuckUpTheButt. I needed to obtain approval for ordering breakfast for an upcoming corporate meeting. Her usual response, though in a tightened, irritable manner – think of a small head stuck on top of a pipe cleaner – the habitual strained expression on her face gives the appearance that she might actually be sitting on a wire hanger but refuses to remove it. Her response given with a tone of – I can’t believe you’re asking me this – proceeds with, “I don’t understand why you’re asking me this since we do not take care of such things and that is your dept.” It always amuses me when the whanabees who thrive to walk in the shoes of those in higher positions force themselves to take on the personalities of how they believe they would act if they were already there in that spot. I hold back my tongue and tell her I’ll take care of it, and hang up. After all, she already thinks she's dealing with a "not so full deck", and that perhaps my ancestors may still have relatives living in the primate house at the Bronx Zoo. Review Time-It's Review Time and everybody's on their best behavior. They're all putting on fake smiles and the illusion that they actually want to be there, though all they really want is that raise in pay. The extra few dollars per hour still won't add up to much and probably won't cover that weekly stick of gum. A cubicle mate is upset that his review hasn't been forthwith. I nod knowing that I could care less about what they think of us and more about having a few extra dollars in my pocket. It's not like you're really looking forward to hearing how you have very little self control and don't play well with others. Let's not fool ourselves. How many employees are actually going to change over a new leaf after hearing a list of their shortcomings, and make a 100% turn around by becoming employee of the future. Who are they really kidding? Coffee Break!

<i>JulesinPrison</i> Ah! Another day, another pint of blood!
Office Memo #2,983 - Besides the usual barage of endless e-mails devoted to making sure that our time spent at our desks do not breed idleness, a myriad of office "Do's and Don't's" specifically geared toward the control of the underling on how to conduct business fly into our In Boxes for further persecution. Generally they are sent after the Admin Office has become aware of a specific situation that may have occurred while a harried office worker engaged in an over stressed moment and may not have had the luxury to think things out for lack of time. Of course, this is done without pointing a specific finger to anyone in particular - of how and to whom to send an e-mail, who is now in charge of what dep't and chore, how to expend the least amount of our time on any one project, along with other inocuous items as to how much toilet paper may be dropped down the office pipes. Over the time I've been here, it has taken me anywhere from 15 to 30 extra minutes to write up an e-mail because of the need to reaquaint myself with the amended Do'd and Don't's, and to remind myself who's actually working on what and how and why. Being an extremely anal person, and also not wanting to be looked upon as housing an IQ of 7, I tend to re-read the info I'm sending several times over. I have also noticed that, due to our multi-tasking, our attention spans have shortened considerably bringing A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder) to a broader part of the population. I know from experience that the average reader does not have the capability to read past the first sentence and take in whole ideas past that point. In fact, after the 3rd. or 4th. word, our brains start to shift into fast - forward mode thereby skipping several words in the paragraph that you have painstakingly sought to build. The reader will only come away with one nth of understanding as to what the sender had in mind in the first place. I can't tell you how many times I've received information back only to find a third of what I asked for. The gist of the e-mail's request has become totally blurred over. The receiver is also notorious in asking a question when the information is staring at them like an enblazoned neon across the highway of that e-mail. Therefore, I have learned a very important lesson in communicating to the denizens of the office more effectively: Say it clearly, Quickly with as few characters as possible before the attention shift occurs. Take my word on this!